FWCD Writing Toolbox: Writing Commentary

Factoring Evidence / Writing Commentary:

• Definition: Breaking down your evidence in order to analyze–not summarize–how it proves your topic sentence.

• The commentary demonstrates what your evidence means, why it is significant to the argument / topic sentence.

• It’s the “So … what?”

• Write two (2) or more sentences per piece of evidence.

• Focuses on

  • Language or 

  • Tools of language or 

  • The idea within the quote

Commentary Sample 1:

Commentary is in yellow text after the quote.

When the eldest stepsister, who has long bullied Cinderella, is presented with the golden shoe that is too small, her mother produces a knife and urges, “Cut the toe off, for when you are queen you will never have to go on foot" (3). The intent is to deceive the prince and claim an unjustified reward as his bride. Not only does the deception fail because of blood in the shoe, but the stepsister is doomed to pain and partial lameness because of her action. 

Commentary Sample 2:

Before she passes on, Cinderella’s mother claims that “God will always take care of” Cinderella, provided she is “pious and good” (1). The mother’s words foreshadow the outcome of the story and establish an appeal to greater-than-human justice as the ultimate arbiter of life. There is even a balanced pairing of “pious and good” actions against the “wickedness and falsehood” of the stepsisters. 

Commentary Sample 3:

Ultimately, the foreshadowing comes to fruition when the prince recognizes “the beautiful maiden that had danced with him” and proclaims, “This is the right bride” (3). Not only is goodness rewarded, but it is associated with beauty as a bonus. The end result is a traditional Disneyesque outcome of the protagonist being swept off her feet by the handsome prince and taken to his castle to be his bride.